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Tips on How to Deal With People Pleasers

What are people-pleasers?

People Pleasers is a person who constantly goes above and beyond to make others feel good.

As some who in the past struggled in the past with people pleasing, I know that it starts with overthinking and worrying too much about what people think about you. I grew up in an environment where most people around me were people pleasers. They constantly did things to make people like them. If this meant talking nice about someone or talking negatively about someone just to get someone to like them. This treat can be annoying and frustrating to some people. A lot of people pleasers believe that they are kind and respectful when in reality they are just hurting and making matters worse for others. I had someone who I thought was so kind and everyone spoke so good about when in reality this person was trying to get me fired from a job and talking bad about me behind my back. When I think back at these people they were using their people pleasing to try to win people’s favors to try to climb the ladder. In the end this person, I always tell myself the truth will be revealed. I remember so many times I would go out of my own way to be kind to people when in reality I was tired and exhausted and did not even like these people. There were certain situations that started to feel similar to what I was going through and I realized real quickly that the one constant in each situation was me. I kept handling everything the same and it was just hurting me. Now I am learning to still be a kind mature professional but set boundaries with people. Here are some tips I have learned.

A few tips on how to handle people pleasers:

  • Tell them its okay if we don’t agree

Make sure that when you are speaking with a people pleaser that they are aware that if you don’t agree on something it’s okay. It’s normal. Not everyone in life is going to think the same and handle things the same way. To each person on their own.

  • Tell them is okay to say no

Yes, it’s okay to tell someone no, I can’t right now. Or that’s a no for me. But don’t be rude about it. I had one time someone tell me no to a seat but only to welcome a beautiful blonde white woman (that’s not setting boundaries that are just being racist/ probably because I am a darker mixed race woman).

  • Ask them to be honest

If you can tell the person is just agreeing with you just because they think they are being nice and kind. Tell the people pleaser that it’s okay to just tell the truth and again we don’t all have to agree on everything.

  • Set an example of being kind by setting boundaries

By you being a good example of someone who is kind respectful mature professional and not a people pleaser to family members/friends, co-workers, etc. this will help them to learn from your example. Also, if you need to respectfully correct another person it’s okay to do this by telling them it’s okay you don’t have to be a people pleaser.

How do you deal with people pleasers?

If you were a people pleaser how did you stop?

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  1. These are all great suggestions! I used to be a people-pleaser, but I’ve learned to say no now, and be honest with my thoughts. It has helped make my life so much easier!

  2. Excellent post regarding people pleasing. Being kind to others is definitely not people pleasing but it can be hard when it’s not genuinely appreciated. Truth is we really will not please everyone unfortunately and it’s important to set boundaries. I really enjoyed reading this important post with great tips. 😊

    Pastor Natalie (ExamineThisMoment)

  3. For me, it was a matter of self confidence which I finally grew into. Once I valued my own worth, I stopped feeling as if I had to please everyone else.

  4. These are great suggestions. As a people pleaser myself I wish people wouldn’t b this way towards me. It would def help.

  5. Learning to say no, was the hardest thing to do for me. Once I mastered how to, I acquired more respect from those around me.Great article.

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