Since I was 14 years old I knew that I never wanted children.
I grew up I heard of the term “childless,” or people who just didn’t have children. My own godmother is childfree by choice. I knew women who did not have children, but I saw how culture, society, and the community treated them. As long as I can remember, any woman who did not have children was described as “odd,” “missing out on life,” or “no man wanted them so they did not have kids.” These women were seen as immature or as having not experienced life. Most of the negativity that I heard was from women who had children who talked badly about women who were childfree or childless.
Quick fact: Childfree means the individual has chosen not to have children. Childless is an individual that physically could not have children.
Women who do not have children appear to face pity, negativity, and stigma. The main thing I hear is maturity. For some, when a woman has a child, she is now seen as mature. For most of my life, women who had children were treated better than women who did not. I can clearly remember women always saying to other younger women one day. Being a mother is something that every woman should do. I am not against someone who chooses to be a mother. If that is your dream and passion, and you love being a mother, that’s fine. I see nothing wrong with motherhood; I just have a problem with people assuming everyone has to be a mother and that womanhood is motherhood.
Womanhood is not motherhood. It’s not the same thing. I think Taylor Swift and how society still sees her as so good and immature yet she is around the same age as Adele and just because Adele is a mother she is seen as more mature. I don’t believe that this is right. Both women are women and don’t need to be compared and one should not be treated better than the other just because one is a parent and the other is not.
One of my personal turning points was mothers day. I used to love mothers day when I was younger. This is because I believed that mothers day was a woman’s holiday. I saw it as a day to celebrate women. I remember every mothers day a big group picture with all the women including female children and babies (Yes, cringe). I remember all day I would see pink and feminine stickers given to little girls. It was so wrong. Mother’s day is supposed to be a day for a woman who is a mother and a good mother to be honored remembered and thanked not a day for women. It was gross that little girls were giving gifts too on mothers day. I was even giving roses on mothers day once. It was wrong. Mother’s day is not for women is for mothers and even the fathers who stepped up and were basically mothers in their children’s lives.
Every mothers day I see that cringe post of “The best thing a woman can be is a mother” “Best job a woman can have is being a mother” and “You won’t know love until you have had a child”
Posts like this are so wrong and stay with the terrible stigma that every woman must be a mother. I believe that not everyone who became a mother actually wanted to be a mother. I think there are women who felt forced into being mothers by culture and society. I believe that some women felt like they had to be a mother because that is just wants they have to do. I believe that spreading the message of a childfree lifestyle educates women on knowing their choices in life. Not everyone has to be a mother.
I believe that is good to show children childfree women and that not putting in this notion that every woman has to be a mother. If women only see mothers and keep being told that “The best job a woman can have is being a mother” an idea has been put into their minds that they have to be mothers it was not a choice to be another. I believe that women should choose to be mothers if they want to and women should choose to be childfree.
Thinking about writing a part two to this blog post and more about why I want to be childfree by choice.
What are your thoughts on the Childfree community?
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Great read. Definitely respect your words. Thank you for sharing. 🤗
Pastor Natalie (ExamineThisMoment)
I have friends who chose not to start families. I think everyone makes their own choices and should be free to.
It’s frustrating that there is still a stigma or odd reaction to people who wish to remain childfree or even those who are childless. I think this preoccupation with women being mothers is frustrating; especially the messaging you highlighted in your post. Thanks for sharing this — much needed!