Who am I? A question I have been asking myself for years and some days I feel like I know the answer and other days I feel like I am still trying to understand who I am. My identity from when I was young felt like it was told to me. As a child, people called me “Black” when in reality I am multiracial. Due to people only wanting to identity me as monoracial instead of multiracial, I felt like I had to act, speak, carry myself, and personally, had to be a stereotypically a black individual. I think about this and I feel sad that I allowed these people to have such an influence in my life.
Another part of my identity when I was younger was being a woman. I felt like the people around me wore old-fashioned clothing and believed that a woman should be married at a young age, cook, clean, and just please the man in her life. In this way, I remember at a young age just learning how to cook and clean and wondering why no young boys were being taught this and it was only the females learning this.
My identity at the time was consistent with what people around me believed it should be. I remember feeling so confident at the time because I thought that because I was what people told me to be that I was doing the right thing. But was I really? In reality I was just people pleasing. I was just doing what I was told to be.
Once I got older and started hanging out with other people and began to become more active on social media, I realized now that most of these people were racist and sexist. That I was my own person. I should be who I wanted to be. I didn’t have to please them just because I knew them. I got old enough and I cut these people out of my life. Yet in a unique way these people are still interested in my life. I don’t understand why I let these people have so much influence on my identity when I was younger.
Now, I am slowly undoing what I heard, believed, and perceived myself as from all those years of listening to these people. I have to forgive them and let them go. I think now, as I am learning who am I and what I want to be known as is somewhat like a journey I am on. I know that as I undo and learn who I am, I will start feeling more confident in myself and stop letting the whisper and voices of others enter my mind and have control of who I am. This is my identity, and I will choose who I identify as.
Whatever life takes you, just enjoy your life. Think positive and be positive.
–Always look to the rising sky
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