Recently, I have found myself thinking and dwelling on a lot of my personal, professional, and immature mistakes and failures that I have made. Many times, when I think about them, I feel upset with myself and wonder how I could make such a terrible mistake. I tell myself that I’m human and that human error is normal. Everyone makes mistakes. Also, it’s realizing what I have done wrong and telling myself to dwell on it, only to see the lesson learned and realize what I have done wrong and how I could improve myself. If I find myself in this situation again, I will know what to do. I’m in my mid-twenties and I feel like I still have a lot of growing up to do. I feel like every year is a new revelation. Something that I need to learn to grow up and mature. I feel embarrassed, humiliated, and ashamed of my many faults, but I tell myself to not beat myself over it. I have had people in my life that constantly bring up my mistakes and just remember all the wrongs I have done. It didn’t matter how much I tried to mature, change, and prove myself to them, they would only see me in the wrong. Unfortunately, due to growing up around people like this, I started to talk and be this way towards others, and due to having more time to think, I realized that this is wrong. I don’t want to become what I hate and what others are doing. I don’t want to hurt or affect others the same way that others have hurt me. I don’t want to play the victim. I want to grow and realize that I have done wrong and see my faults in myself. I try to make a list of things that I want to improve about myself. I want to be better. I know that I will make mistakes and that I will fail and fail over and over again, but in the end, I want people to know that I do self-reflect and see what I have done wrong. I want to be able to apologize and make things right at any age. I apologize now to anyone I have hurt or affected in my life. I hope they know that I do want to do the right thing. I believe that part of the healing process and the maturity of growing up is admitting when you are wrong. Yes, getting angry at what happened is part of the process too, but there is a part of it that tells us to learn from our mistakes and grow. I don’t want to ever keep dwelling on these negative things because all that will do is drag me down, but I do need to be able to see where I am wrong and move on. I don’t want to be better.
How do you handle your past mistakes and failures?