Something I realized recently about myself is that I’m very confident in who I am. I know who I am. I feel like, yes, I want to change and grow, but at the same time, I feel certain about myself. I know what I believe, what I don’t like, what I hate, and what I love. I am aware of my grey areas. However, sometimes I realize that when I’m around people, a people pleaser in me comes out. I might come across as changing my opinion just to please others. For example, someone might say, “I thought you said you didn’t want kids,” and in my heart, I know I don’t want kids, but I just don’t want to argue or disagree with people. So, I might say yes and agree with them.
When chatting with someone, I might say, “Oh yeah, I also love that,” but inside, I didn’t really like it that much. I try to please them in the conversation. People have accused me of being a flip-flop or inconsistent in my thinking. I realize I do this a lot when talking to others because the people pleaser in me just comes out. I want to care about what people think, I want people to like me, and I don’t want them to feel ill will towards me. It’s so hard to be true to who I am because on the inside, I’m confident. I know what I believe, what I don’t like, and who I am. But I hate this people-pleasing part of me that just comes out and makes me feel like I have to ensure the other person is comfortable in the conversation.
Throughout my life, when I’ve tried to be confident in who I am, people just didn’t like it. Yes, I know there is a point to bending and not being argumentative, but sometimes I feel I’ve had to bend so much and hide so much of who I am just to avoid gossip or being treated terribly. I’ve had to keep in so much because of how people have made me feel, and it has hurt me over the years. Now, as I’m getting older, I’m realizing that I don’t want to be a flip-flopper or a people pleaser. I don’t want to keep changing my opinion just to appease others. I want this people-pleasing tendency to be over. I want to be more confident in who I am. This is something I’m definitely trying to work on and will continue to work on.
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I used to be like that. I think I outgrew it. Perhaps, for me, it came with age (and the right mentor, i.e. my other half).