This is something I haven’t really wanted to share for a long time—but I think I’m finally ready.
Lately, I’ve been noticing more people opening up about never being in a relationship, never feeling desired, or even still being a virgin. And I realized… I’m one of those people too.
I’m 28 years old, and I’ve never had a guy I liked genuinely like me back. I’ve never had a real romantic relationship. And for a long time, that was something I carried with a lot of insecurity, confusion, and even shame.
Growing up, especially in the South, I internalized a lot of negative beliefs about myself. As a Black mixed-race woman, I often felt like I didn’t fit the “standard” of beauty that people around me seemed to value. Whether it was said directly or indirectly, I was made to feel like I was “too this” or “not enough of that.” I started to believe I was unattractive—that no one would ever truly want me.
And it didn’t help that whenever I had a crush, the first response I often got—even from people close to me—was doubt.
“Are you sure they would even like you?”
That sticks with you.
Over time, I started to question everything about myself—my looks, my personality, even my worth. It didn’t matter who I liked or how I tried to show interest; it always felt like it wasn’t reciprocated. And that kind of rejection, even when it’s unspoken, builds up.
Now, to be fair, there were people who showed interest in me. There was someone at the gym who liked me, and another person I worked with who made it very clear they were interested—even asking me out. But the truth is, I didn’t feel the same way about them. And I’ve never wanted to lead anyone on or play with someone’s feelings just to say I’ve been in a relationship.
So I stayed honest. Even when it meant staying alone.
But somewhere along the way, something shifted.
I started becoming more confident in who I am. Not just in how I look—but in who I am as a person. I’ve been working on myself, growing, healing, and learning that beauty isn’t just about appearance. It’s about character, energy, and how you carry yourself.
I’ve also had to unlearn some habits. For a long time, when I liked someone, I didn’t know how to act. I would either get overly nervous—laughing too much, blushing, acting awkward—or I would go the opposite direction and come off cold or uninterested just to protect myself. That came from inexperience and insecurity, and I can finally admit that now.
But I’m in a different place today.
I can say when I find someone attractive. I can admit when I have a crush. And at the same time, I genuinely feel beautiful. Not perfect—but secure in who I am and who I’m becoming.
Do I still hope for a relationship one day?
Yes. Absolutely.
I hope to experience mutual love—where someone likes me and I like them back. I hope for a connection that feels natural, healthy, and real. But I’m no longer rushing it or tying my worth to whether or not it has happened yet.
And to any woman reading this who feels the same way—please hear me:
You are not alone.
There are more of us than you think. Women who have never been in relationships. Women who have never felt chosen. Women who are still figuring it out. And there is nothing wrong with you.
It is not because you’re “not pretty enough.”
It is not because you’re “not worthy.”
You are seen. You are valuable. You are beautiful—exactly as you are.
And you do not have to center your life around being chosen by a man.
The right person will not make you feel insecure about your past.
The right person will not shame you for being a virgin.
The right person will not make you feel like you need to change your appearance, your personality, or your interests just to be loved.
The right person will meet you with respect, kindness, and genuine care.
Until then, focus on becoming the best version of yourself—not for someone else, but for you.
Confidence is powerful. When you know who you are, when you’re grounded, when you’re unbothered by outside opinions—that energy is attractive in ways that go far beyond physical appearance.
So to all my girls out there: this is your reminder.
You are not behind.
You are not forgotten.
And you are definitely not alone.
There is a whole community of women out here who understand exactly how you feel.
And we’re still growing. Still healing. Still becoming.
And your story? It’s still unfolding.
Message me on Social media (@headphonesthoughts) (@headphonesTblog) and/or email me @ contact@headphonesthoughts.com
Whatever life takes you, enjoy your life. Think positive, and be positive.
–Always look to the rising sky
Read my quote or thought of the week series
Follow me on Social Media:
Instagram @headphonesthoughts
X @headphonesTblog
